Mums for Justice
Thanks to the Don, I’ve come across a new campaigning group to support: Take a Break magazine’s Mums for Justice.
We’re sick of hearing about the plight of hard-done-by dads who are being denied access to their beloved kids. These men dump all the blame on their ex-partners. But their sob stories have not gone down well with single mothers across the UK.
They say that while these men pose as superheroes, some of them are just the opposite. They’re men who don’t even put food on the table for their kids. According to figures from the now defunct Child Support Agency (CSA), almost one in three absent parents has failed to pay child support. One in three!
No wonder mothers are angry especially when dads who don’t pay a penny turn up on the doorstep demanding to see their kids. They’ve had enough of such men wanting to play happy families.We want the government to change the law to make sure that men do the following:
* Pay child support in full every month and on time.
* Don’t get away with lying about their earnings and pretending to be unemployed to wriggle out of paying up.
* Stick to visiting arrangements organised either by family courts or with their ex-partners.
Good for them, and their four million readers, and about time someone started to make this point.
More reactionary and sexist nonsense! What next, every man to be gassed?
First they called for child support to be paid, and I said nothing because I did not owe any child support.
Then they called for people to stop lying about their earnings and pretending to be unemployed, and I said nothing because I was not lying about my earnings or pretending to be unemployed.
Then they called for fathers to abide by agreements they had made, and I said nothing because I was not breaking any agreements.
Then they gassed all men, and there was nobody left to speak up for me.
C4, it’s an argument, but to be fair it’s a really, really, really rubbish one.
Makes more sense than all the sexist, socialist and feminist dogma on here.
Its funny, I turn up on the doorstep I paid for to see my kids, while she is the one lying about her earnings, lying about co-habiting with a child-abusing alcoholic in order to have more money at her disposal while cheating the welfare system.
When she called the CSA in, they dropped my payments! I was too generous apparently!
Give her her dues though, she has never denied my access, made it awrkward at times, but.. Thats only to be expected when she has so much cash to spend on holidays all over the place!
Like, “whats the best way of getting cash when you cant/wont earn it yourself?”
If your a mother, then anyway you can prefferably using your kids fathers love for them as a weapon!
The problem seems to be a fairly typical British one as far as I can see it. Both mothers and fathers whine on about their “rights” and what they are “entitled” to. Not many people speak about their responsibilities. Yes, it’s awful when a mother denies a father (or worse a grandparent) access to their children, but it’s totally understandable when that father has been abusive or is refusing to accept that they have a moral and financial responsibility for the child even if they don’t live in the same home.
I agree with the final sentiments but it goes both ways.
I’d like to hear a little less about the mother’s rights and the father’s rights and more about children’s rights and parent’s responsibilities.
Indeed, “rights” are the duties of others to provide so they always come at the expense of those who dont benefit from them..
I dont believe in rights at all! Other than those that are natural and would exist without the onerous duties that they impose on others..
Why is it worse to deny a grandparent than a father?
Why is it regarded as OK to break the relationship between a child and a parent just because the other parent thinks it has the right to stick its hand in the others pocket and take what it pleases?
Wrecking such an important relationship for the sake of mere money is frankly, twisted and sick.. The very fact that a parent is willing to spend time with a child he/she is estranged from indicates a willingness to expend cash on the REAL child support that is involved in visiting and raising a child!
If the ball was consistently on the other foot (which it is not) fathers would not doubt be expected to PAY mothers for the time they have contact with their kids..
Oh, sorry, they already do! Its called taxation and involuntary child support that does not take account of the expenses a father has with contact!
Nice to see that starting to make some headway on the subject in this topic.
There was an interview on our work Intranet with the editor of Take A Break who mentioned that he (yes, he) was leader of the Mums for Justice party.
I pondered this, as I often used to ponder why the leader of the Royal College of Nursing was male.
I suppose having a male leader might make reactionaries like C4 stop and think, but I doubt it.
Some years ago someone left a comment on my blog and we followed up with an email exchange. She was working for the DCA at the time and dealt with a lot of these access-support issues, and found that the majority of women who prevented the father seeing the children did so as a result of physical or emotional abuse, not much of it formally documented, so not very useful as evidence in court.
When John Redwood made his infamous slagging off of single mothers, some journalist did some research (this was back in the days when journalists used to investigate, rather than just write rubbish on ‘lifestyle issues’) and discovered that something like two thirds of single mothers on that estate had restraining orders etc against the fathers of their children.
There are examples of women who prevent the fathers from seeing their children for other reasons - revenge, I’ve got a new bloke etc or just by moving hundreds of miles away - and, on the whole, those men who are interested in access battle away quietly in private rather than by staging stunts.
The gender of the leader of any group is largely irrelevant unless you are obsessed with it!
Maybe this guy has a problem with his partners ex? Or any number of other reasons..
There are a great deal of men who like to live on the child support etc paid by their partners former partner.
No doubt the more they can max the payments their partners get from the daddy, the more cushy life they can get living in the house daddy paid for!
Personal reasons usually play a major part in why people do things.
People rarely consider the impact on second families. Why should women who are with men who have had the misfortune to have had a failed relationship be expected to prop up the previous relationship?
Its very common to see that there is something rather ironic going on.
Father is shunted out of his family, meets a single mother who finds him useful as a “child-minder”?? to her family while she persues her career.. Ends up she is supporting him in his role in her family, and resenting the mans ex..
She becomes interested in fathers rights groups.. Or, He becomes interested in the issues that his new woman has re her ex..
Funny old world!
The serious fact is though, seems that a man can be a “father figure” to any kids as long as they are not his own if he is unlucky enough to get on the wrong side of his kids mum!
The system actively creates that via its perverse incentives..
Step fathers are far more likely to abuse kids than real fathers.
But, mothers seem to be persuaded to take that risk owing in no small way to the lack of resources directed to the woman who wants to raise her kids herself fulltime..
“People rarely consider the impact on second families. Why should women who are with men who have had the misfortune to have had a failed relationship be expected to prop up the previous relationship?”
Surely it’s not propping up the previous realtionship but propping up teh responsibilities that ensue from that realtionship.
Hopefully the women will be aware of their partner’s responsibilities before choosing to enter into a relationship. Men shouldn’t be able to shrug off their responsibilities by saying “I’ve got a new family now”
Hopefully the women will be aware of their partner’s responsibilities before choosing to enter into a relationship. Men shouldn’t be able to shrug off their responsibilities by saying “I’ve got a new family now”
Exactly. In drex’s world, it seems as though men and women are arbitrarily assigned to partnerships for an arbitrary number of years, and then arbitrarily reassigned by some higher power. There can’t be any other reason for coming up with fatuous nonsense like “Why should women who are with men who have had the misfortune to have had a failed relationship be expected to prop up the previous relationship?” without considering that for the woman to be “with” the man, there has to be a conscious decision on the part of both parties, and that, as you point out, such a decision should be made in the light of the existing responsibilities of each party.
Mothers for Justice, Justice for Mothers, Babies for Justice, Mums for Justice - whatever next? Incidentally it isn’t Mums for Justice it’s Mums’ for Justice. Wonder what unspoken noun that apostrophe represents?
Not only do these groups copy our name, they copy the slogans and many of the ideas. F4J launched on the motto, ‘fighting for truth, justice and equality in family law.’ Mothers for Justice proclaim they are the ‘Nationwide campaign for truth and justice in family law.’
What happened to equality?
And why do Mums’ for Justice carry a cartoon of Cherie Blair poking Tony in the behind with an umbrella? What’s that all about? I thought domestic violence was something a woman could never perpetrate.
P.S. Gert, any chance of posting that interview?
Nick - afraid the devilishly clever point you’re making escapes me. Oh well.
Quite right sam, but it seems that “love is blind”.. until the price becomes apparent!
the law needs to be changed for those fathers who are allowed to say they are unemployed, then acrew dept…in my case a total of £4000.00. due to admin errors of csa this debt was lost for many years despite my shouts of injustice. He now can pay it back at £21 per week. How does this prevent fathers from getting away with this. where is the protection from financial hardship to the mothers who struggle to survive? there is no interest, no court fees and no reprimend or system of prevention.
Surely life experiences have shown you that selfish,lying, irresponsible people are both male and female - Parents and grandparents who have the best interests of the child as their main focus, should start working together to lobby for a legal framework which will truly aid them to achieve the best deal for each individual situation (no matter what sex the main carer is.) - otherwise children will continue to be damaged by this appauling system and devoted parents will be forced to continue a living hell dictated by their former ‘partner’. Stop wasting time and energy and join forces !!!!!!
MOTHERS FOR JUSTICE
BEING FORCED TO HAND YOUR CHILD OVER TO AN ABUSIVE PARENT?
JOIN THE PROTEST!
11.30 AM WED 29TH NOV
‘STOP FORCED CHILD CONTACT & OPEN THE FAMILY COURTS’
MEET OUTSIDE THE NCP CAR PARK, WESTGATE ST (OPP THE MILLENIUM STADIUM)
WEAR SANTA OR ANOTHER COSTUME IF YOU LIKE.
ALL WELCOME, MEN, WOMEN &
CHILDREN.
TEL: 0784 211 2418
E MAIL: info@mothers-for-justice.net
http://www.mothers-for-justice.net
I wasn’t really making a point, Antonia, devilishly clever or otherwise. I suppose I was despairing of the utter lack of originality these many groups demonstrate, as if they are opposing F4J not out of any real conviction but because they feel they ought to. I also despair of their illiteracy and intellectual inconsistency. To cap it all, they are now proposing a demo and inviting people to dress in Santa costume. For pity’s sake, surely someone can come up with something better than that!
Having visited the website, there is plenty of conviction there. F4J will see it as opposing them (and will probably respond accordingly unfortunately), but why shouldn’t there be a pressure group to speak up for mothers and children who have been abandoned - it’s a more prevalent problem after all.
And organising a demonstration is the traditional way of bringing attention to your cause.
I’m so looking forward to protesting against the man-haters from Mothers for Justice on Wednesday.
“It’s a more prevalent problem,” do you have figures to confirm that?
Of course everyone is entitled to demonstrate for their cause, Catherine - at least for as long as this government allows it. And of course it is the sincerest compliment to imitate. F4J members have been dressing as Santa for our Christmas demos for some years now, and these other demonstrators might wish to ponder whether their demo will be seen by the public or the press as an F4J one.
Family justice and child support are both in a terrible mess in this country, and the government shows no sign of being committed to reform of either. Might it not be appropriate to see where our common ground is and to march side by side?
“I” don’t have figures to confirm that, because I don’t make up figures. I could point you to official statistics on parents who refuse to see their children, or refuse to contribute to their maintenance, but I’d be wasting my breath as F4J don’t acknowledge them.
Like your colleague says above. Anyone who says that their former partner is not contributing maintenance or is not visiting his children must be doing it for no other reason than because they are a man-hater. Because obviously, there is no such problem.
I am not saying I necessarily agree with any noisy pressure group that focuses on only one parent, apart from their right to demonstrate. but I’ve yet to see anyone from this other group using language equivalent to “man-hater” or “feminazi” - in fact on the website quoted above they say that they agree that every father should see his children. F4J don’t acknowledge that primary carers have problems, let alone that they are more frequent, and prefer to use sexist language to attack women as an extension of their former partner. Until they stop, they have common ground with no-one - not with the mums, and not with politicians and neutrals.
The other difference that F4J could learn from is focusing on responsibilities of parents, not rights. No parent has the automatic right to see their child as and when it’s convenient for them. They have a responsibility to participate in that child’s upbringing on a fixed basis, when it’s convenient and necessary for the child, as every parent does. In the minority of cases where parents can’t work this out amicably, this needs to be set by the court with the child’s needs in mind - not the needs of either parent. Sorry, but you’ve got a child and that’s your responsibility until they’re an adult, whatever happens to your relationship with the other parent in the meantime.
Breath wasted.
I and my husband are on both sides of the coin. My ex has never paid a penny towards his 3 children and the CSA cannot get a penny out of him. My husband pays £850 per month for his 3 daughters (which we can barely afford) as we are on the old system, but his ex wife doesn’t allow him to see his children. My childres see their father even though he doesn’t pay a penny towards anything, my children’s happiness is more important. I get cross because it is not difficult for mums to work, I have always worked and yet my husband’s ex doesn’t work, just lives of our money as this is more than her benefit !! So we are not only supporting the children we are keeping her at home !!!! How is that fair. So come on you mums who don’t allow father’s contact and still whinge about the money think about the kids and what you can do to make the situation better.
The pain and hardship of this issue is clear. Family law in the UK is in a mess.
There are all sorts of obvious injustices that demand remedy: that people can be divorced against their will; that lone parents (usually women) are denied financial support for children; that children don’t share in their parents’ prosperity; that step parents abuse children or deny them access to their parents; that children are denied fathers; fathers are denied children and that mothers are bullied by abusive ex-spouses. The list goes on and on.
But don’t let that litany of woe worry you! The Fawcett Society (of which Antonia is a trustee) is concerned that not enough women are getting divorces because they’re too expensive (no s**t!)
Shame about the kiddies though, eh?
[...] Antonia’s blog » Mums for Justice: “We want the government to change the law to make sure that men do the following: * Pay child support in full every month and on time. * Don’t get away with lying about their earnings and pretending to be unemployed to wriggle out of paying up. * Stick to visiting arrangements organised either by family courts or with their ex-partners.” [...]
Your breath isn’t wasted at all, Catherine, and I agree with most of what you say: the emphasis should certainly be on parents’ responsibilities, not rights; language such as ‘feminazi’ or ‘man-hater’ is deplorable, and primary carers indeed have their problems, whether they are fathers or mothers.
I would question that they are more frequent or more prevalent, simply because I haven’t seen evidence that supports that claim, and I think we should argue from evidence rather than from personal experience or prejudice. I doubt you can point me to reliable official statistics on parents who don’t see their children, because this is an issue the government prefers to sweep under the carpet, and what surveys there have been (Bradshaw & Millar, Blackwell & Dawes) vary widely in their estimates. The figures certainly won’t distinguish between those who refuse to see their children and those who are prevented from doing so.
And who precisely is my colleague above? I don’t recognise any poster to this forum on this thread.
I suspect that we would probably agree on far more than we disagree about; I’ve joined F4J because of my personal circumstances, but I also have enormous support and sympathy for people like Birgit Cunningham who runs Babies for Justice, because her campaigning is largely unbiased and untainted by feminism. I accept that F4J has tended in the past to promote fathers’ rather than children’s rights, but that is because F4J is responding to a problem, and it is the nature of that problem to deny fathers’ rather than children’s rights; the bias in the law and its application is against fathers and non-resident parents, not against children.
Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happier new year.
funny how most of the negative coments have come from members of fathers for justice?? i dont believe in the mothers or fathers for justice, now if there was childerens for justice it would be a different matter, its like a war between men and women, there mature enough to concieve a child yet when it comes down to putting the child first therse immaturaty on both sides, it takes 2 to make a baby!! grow up!
I agree that there should be a children’s 4 justice because it’s them who suffer. What about the people who are raped don’t take the morning after pill, too depressed to even leave the house they miss the deadline for the pill. They fall pregnant and decide not to kill their baby? Should those men get access to the child? Should they be forced to pay their C.S.A fees?
I was foolishly conned into having my son because I was deceived by a man who was a lot older than me. I told him I didn’t believe in sex before marriage so he proposed. We could not get married for 3 years he told me, because his ex wife would not sign the divorce papers (lies). we were in love and I made the mistake of sleeping with him, having only lasted a few seconds I asked him if I should take a morning after pill he laughed and said ‘don’t be silly it takes a lot more than that to get pregnant ‘ as he was wearing a condom and I was very drunk I believed him. Months later he said ‘I think you’re pregnant’ I replied, don’t be so silly, as I was still getting my period. He said ‘it’s just something about the way your acting’ we laughed as we thought this was us being stupid, however is sowed a seed and I eventually did a test. When it was positive I was horrified and wanted a termination (something I protested against until the tables were turned) he persuaded me not to terminate our child as we were in love. I agreed to go ahead with the pregnancy but once I was five months pregnant he decided to start ignoring me for days on end. He told me he was at his mums so I went to see him. He was not there. I later saw him with another woman. After talking to numerous members of his family and the other women I discovered he was cheating on me with diff people. I decided to leave him and terminate our child. He didn’t really mind as there were places still willing to do this even at 5mths. I felt this was murder and couldn’t go through with it so I thought if I can’t love my child I’ll give him up for adoption. Once I gave birth I was shocked because although I ended up with I son who looks just like him. I love my baby and he’s my whole life.
I told him he could see our son for the sake of my child. But he did not turn up on numerous occasions. I later told him to F**K OFF. As I remember how I felt when my dad did that to me. I told him that he can see our son when he sees my car or phones me prior to a visit. But I won’t chase him .he never bothered.
I later got a call from another of his ex girlfriend whom I feel really sorry for because unlike me she has gave up the fight and is sitting in a flat with the baby he gave her living on hand outs from him and the government . She is sixteen and he’s 36. What happened to me is the best thing that has ever happened in my life because it’s forced me to work hard, get my degree, buy my own house and even start up my own business.
He is a taxi driver so meets many vulnerable silly women like myself and has 5 children. However he has managed to dodge the C.S.A and even use his lies to generate working family tax credits on top of his wages which he pretends are 100 per week.
Should this man get away without paying for his child? Should I want /expect anything from him? To be perfectly honest I want nothing from him because I am so blessed I can’t believe it’s me living this life. However I will fight every step of the way to ensure he pays for his child because if I don’t I believe more women will suffer as he walks free.
I admit I used to believe that the majority of single mothers were tarts and benefit spongers and fathers for justice were just C.S.A dodgers who expected it all. So I’m glad about my experience because it’s shown me reality and taken off my blinkers. Wow I’ve went on! Not the sort of thing you can really talk to people you know about especially as I gave up my family for him because I’m Asian. My mum supports me every step of the way and so do my brothers but I haven’t spoken to the rest of my family including my farther since I decided not to terminate my baby
After 8 years of every type of abuse against me, and the abuse of the child I had towards the end of the relationship, I realised the level of dangerous criminality of my then husband. When rival drug gangs became involved and I had a gun pulled on me I kicked him out.
Heard nothing for 2.5 years I thought we were free and glad of it, but when I was forced to claim benefits for a couple of months the CSA became necesarily involved (I never had a penny from him when we were married and certainly did not want it now we had been divorced so long) I received a call from him saying to “get them off his back or he was seeking custody through the courts”. As with many other recent threats (including the one about abducting my child - ex is a foreign national) I ignored him as I thought I was free of his controlling ways. 2 days later I received a court summons.
For the last 3 years I have been dragged through court and self representing because I apparently earn too much (am a teacher!). He has broken order after order and remains a real threat. The fact he terrified me and my child and physically and mentally abused me consistently seems to hold little water in the court.
I have so far managed to keep contact restricted to indirect, but even that he fails to maintain on a regular basis.
I have spent thousands in court (which I can ill afford), been forced to leave my home because of the abduction threats, and spent years on antidepressants, drifting from one job to another because of the impact this has had on me. I have also had few CSA payments, even though he should only be giving me £42 a week.
If he could give a sh1t about my child perhaps he might have managed to write the card every 2 months he is allowed to do!
But no, instead he occasionally sends random, expensive and inappropriate gifts to my child. How he can afford to do that and not pay towards the cost of food for the same child I cannot imagine. The system is WRONG!
I understand not all Dads are this bad, but this man was never a dad to my child. He’s been gone since my child was a toddler and said child is now almost in juniors. When I did allow him contact post break up he usually failed to turn up. His threats towards us continue. His criminal record continues to grow. What possible good could he do my child?
If we broke up because he and I werent compatible but he was basically a safe and stable man, I would have always have been glad to have the odd weekend to myself. I could not ask him to look after my dog!
Its about time the childs side was made paramount.
i have a child who ’s dad left when he was 2 and is now 9, he has never yet paid any maintenance, the csa have caught up with him and i should now get £25 a week but as of yet i havent recieved a penny, weather that is to do with the famouse csa doing such a wonderful job ? joke or weather its because he has always been a squirmy sod that lands on his feet and has managed to aviod paying im not sure? but as a dad well he’s worse than usless! he has never tried to stay in touch with his son and worse yet his faimly have also failed to try to have contact, they have been invited to get in touch but never do? so all i can presume is they are not interested in there grand child? realy it is such a shame becuse my mum has very recently died and he has no gran any more? he always asks about his faimly ? but what can you say except the truth ? his own dad actually attempted top run my son over in the street just before the summer holidays this year, i saw it and so did my neighbours ? it was reported to the police but they took no action.
so as a single mum i realy do think my son is better off with out his dad !!! but i think if farthers are not going to have contact at all, and dont even attempt to try (even at this time of the year) then they should be made to pay more than dads who do have regular contact. The govenment should wake up and see life as it realy is for us mums who have been left to struggle to do a good job alone!!!
You have no idea how long i have searched for a site that supports single mums like me!
Thankyou- after reading this i dont feel so alone. My ex partner left me 26 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child for another woman. He pays me nothing. I have extended to him every visitation right with only one condition- it was not to include his new partner(Nothing to do with the fact he proposed to her the day i gave birth!). For this he does not pay maintenance and tells everyone how he is the father fighting injustice. In truth he cannot be bothered with his children and to put the icing on the cake he moved in with her and her parents- at the end of my road. He cannot even raise a hand to our children when he sees them. The CSA have a 14 week backlog and can do nothing. I have written to Tony Blair numerous times that we should follow Scotlands example of barring non-paying fathers from the local public houses!(my ex and his partner regularly frequent these!) Not only that- give single mothers the right to take the losers to court and order them to pay instead of waiting for the csa to sort themselves out (never happen)or rather wait for them to declare they are no longer in effect.
(I feel much better now!)
Thankyou for listening to my rant- like i said i dont feel alone any more!
Do you realise how damaging this group and website could be to children around the world. If a father turns up at your door wanting to see his/your child how can that be a bad thing? surly you would want your children to know who there father is regardless of if or how much money he pays???
I pay £200 a month or 15% of my wage, I give gifts to my son every birthday and xmas and even post small gifts inbetween. But my ex girlfriend just will not be reasonable, I did not want to join f4j but I had too I love my son I want to be a part of his life. This website dissapoints me.
Take a Break have taken it upon themselves to create a very worthy campaign for the genuine individuals who unfortunately do not get any support from the absent parent. I also agree with the F4J campaign for the fathers who are deprived of contact to their children because the system is screwed.
I am the partner of a man who spent thousands in legal fees to gain contact to his son. Because his ex-partner told the judge a simple ‘no’ during court appointments and turned on the water-works for good measure, he agreed with everything she said and we had to wait yet another three months whilst she pondered on whether to push my partner’s nerves that little bit further…just for the fun of it. She prevented my partner from seeing his son for a year yet all this time was quite happy to take £90 per week off him to purchase luxuries for her new husband and herself!
NOW YOU TELL ME WHERE THE JUSTICE IS IN THIS? A mother is allowed by the Court to prevent such contact when the father is clearly doing his best to show that his a loving and responsible father!
And as for Take a Break magazine in general, I really do hope all you estranged fathers are reading it every week, you may be in there, my partner was! Needless to say, everything she said about him was total and utter crap which TAB hadn’t bothered to research.
Hmmmmm…..I’m sure I can smell libel somewhere in there!
I think it is ridiculus i get £47 per week from my ex partner and he has a new partner who owns her own business they are running 2 cars. His girlfriend hit my son social services said there was nothing they could do, the judge said you can have him over night 3 wks later my son came back with a big bruise saying his dad had thumped him social services would not do anything i went back to court and my ex was asked to file a statement of weather he was acccepting the allegations or partly dening them, guess what he never filed a statement and did not come to court and he did not get a slap on the wrist.
His father has not seen his son for over a year now and my son isn’t bothered why should he at least he does not get abused any more but i feel sorry for his new child as she is only a baby
God Help us what the law is today it’s disgusting
Nick Langford 25 Oct 06 said
‘Not only do these groups copy our name, they copy the slogans and many of the ideas.’
Me thinks the men’s rights lobby needs a reminder that their ideas, campaigns, language etc etc are not at all original but instead come from that most hated and reviled of groups FEMINISTS!
What i find depressing is that the fathers rights groups seem to think that they are presenting ALL fathers. I have conducted extensive research of my own (yes i am a professional researcher, using objective research methods, presenting findings from a scientific value free perspective)so here are some of the objective ‘facts’ rather than the media/fathers groups/parent groups/justice for whatever and whoever - manipulated and very selective, often twisted facts that we tend to hear about.
1. only 10% of parents use the family courts to sort out contact/residency issues.
2. only 1% of fathers are denied contact by the allegedly biased legal system.
3. 29 children have been murdered by their non resident biological fathers to date after a judge ordered contact.
4. We do not have any statistics regarding the percentage of fathers who fail to keep in contact because they don’t want to after separation/divorce.
5. The Child Contact and Adoption amendment Act, which received royal assent 21 june 2006, contains provisions for both mothers and fathers (if resident parent prevents contact and if non resident parent does not turn up or flouts contact order)to be tagged, placed under curfew, sent to parenting classes. However, thanks to our wonderful objective media, the fact that fathers can also be ‘punished’ has gone almost entirely unreported.
6. perhaps unsurprisingly, the fathers rights groups have not been keen to publicise the above.
7. In an interview i conducted with a member of F4J, i commented that perhaps women were not the enemy since those ‘hated feminists’ were the ones fighting for fathers to become more involved parents both before and after separation in the first place (1960s & 70s remember) to which he replied ‘Yes we know, it’s the other dads who don’t give a shit who damage our case the most, but we wouldn’t get any media coverage if we said that would we.’
There are more, but i think perhaps this is enough. Oh but perhaps one last fact is in order -
the most recent research indicates that fathers’ failure to participate in parenting is now the number one reason for divorce/separation. Might i suggest that we begin to remove the barriers which prevent fathers being more actively involved in the day to day care (and by that i mean actual physical care, not just saying you love the kids) of their children before their relationship ends?
Might F4J start to campaign for a shorter working week since we in the UK work the longest hours in Europe?
I’m sure this site has been set up as some sort of tongue in cheek antidote to the groundswell of male activism with respect to the vast enormity of inequality with regard to father rights with respect to children.
Well if it’s meant to be offensive, devisive and unpleasant then it meets its’ objectives.
It accuses me, as a male of being a monsterous child murderer…. Actually what I am is someone who would dearly love to be part of my childrens lives, both emotionally and financially and not to be told by my magistrate friends to forget the possibility as mothers can simply ignore any rights of access legally granted or otherwise.
That fact that this disgusting spew is produced by a labour councillor is of no suprise at all though, ‘you’ have systematically destroyed the tattered remains of family life.
You will reap what you sow, I can guarantee you that!
I suppose the most telling thing for me on this site is this excerpt from Antonia’s introduction to it:
“Stick to visiting arrangements organised either by family courts or with their ex-partners.”
And it’s that word “with” which sort of sticks out a mile. It was really a “by” wasn’t it? The assumption is really (and I catch my breath here, because it’s like living in a country which simply doesn’t understand basic human freedoms and principles of equality), truly, that mothers should be able to decide whether children get to see their fathers?
And the examples of assumptive authority over children, the use of children to exert compliance from their fathers, surfaces over and over in the other comments - the sexism is patent. No wonder any self-respecting parent, of either sex, doesn’t take this lying down - what sort of example does it set to a child, this complete abandonment of basic respect for one of their parents? Or even worse, the expectation that he should have to pay to “visit” his own children? Sheer undiluted madness, when dealing with fathers whose one aspiration is to actually be a proper father and not merely pay for but look after their own children.
The “rights” question is, incidentally, one for the politicians - it’s about legal rights - the rule of law - so that we don’t get ruled by lawlessness, force and fear instead. The rights being asked for are the right to be responsible for - to look after, one’s own children, as an equal citizen, as a default presumption, not the present presumption, which is that the children live with the mother. Seems to me to be a pretty basic human right, probably on the same level of importance as not being forced into slavery - and that is certainy born out by the figures on the social distress and chaos brought about by the present crushing unfairness.
The people under attack when fathers get their children abducted, illegally, through the offices of family courts, are the whole families and in particular those who can’t fend for themselves - the children. The target is thus “separated families” - whether these are dressed up as a lone mother, as of yore, or a divorced father, as of now. The idea is pretty basic: the law should be there not to exacerbate the problem of social attack on socially exposed families, but to provide an element of fairness rather than exploitation.
I do have some comparative figures for France, for fathers who are prepared to recognize their children outside marriage. “Currently [2000]approximately 80% of fathers who are fathers outside marriage will voluntarily recognize their child, this is extraordinary compared to ‘65 [15%].” - J.P. Rosenczweig, Chair of the Bobigny Children’s Court.
It tends to be politics - gender politics - which wrecks our families. Most politicians are originally lawyers or professionals of one sort of another, used to intervening in the lives of others. It’s sort of refreshing not to have to deal with these deliberate attempts to whip up hatred people for electoral advantage - but it is a good idea not to allow these people to do so without being reminded of the grief they cause so many of us, particularly those in separated families.
It is a little sad for me to see so many of us jumping around like puppets on a string in this way, and particularly telling given the website which this is occurring on. I should add that I find the idea of fathers-4-justice, mothers-4-justice and children-4-justice equally divisive and repugnant - give families a break would be more my thing. Just give them their rights to be families - and learn to be so as free citizens.
keep up the good work u`ll get some were one day!! and all these none paying parents, there children will rember what they`ve done for tham in halping to bring tham up!!!! an belive me children dont forget!!!!
An Ode to an Oh!
How I ever came to this is a sorry story in itself. How did I get to this?
For now I will inform you of the current action your wonderful measures are taking and refer to your previous actions.
I have accrued in ten years the frightening some of £5k in arrears with the CSA.
Surely this is a clear example of an errant father refusing to pay for his children?
Indeed, he is clearly depriving his children and forcing them into poverty.
Sadly that may be the case. But what can I do?
Some ten years ago I was informed of my ex-wife’s decision to divorce me. Stating that “I will not allow you to have access with the boys, as my new partner will not be able to control them if you are still around”.
A battle ensued. No winners, not unless you consider the thousands gained by the solicitors.
Immediately, I started sending my then wife, cheques. None were cashed. I quickly realised that this was as a result of her need to access Legal Aid. Then I sent them to the solicitors with the same outcome.
New strategy. Deliver them in person to the solicitor and have a receipt signed. Too late Legal Aid gained - benefits application made. CSA are in correspondence with me. I am now ‘officially’ an errant father who refuses to pay for his children. This mantle has stayed with me all these years. I am constantly reminded of it every time I speak to someone at that wonderful CSA.
‘D’, the ex has moved away. Remained true to her word regarding access. The CSA are pursuing me. Oh! I lost my job - redundant. And I’m divorced. All this and only a few months before I was happily married and studying for a better future for my family. How things change.
Depression has taken over me but I manage to acquire a new job. It’s in the ‘big smoke’. Travel, accommodation? Travel, accommodation? What should I do? ……………Travel and get the house sold.
“Please can we sell the house so I can carry on my life and do my new job?”
No, we need to settle the children matters and then deal with the financials.
The coded message was sent to me ‘don’t fight for contact’ and ‘we’ll settle quickly’.
“But how do I travel every day or live in London and still pay the mortgage whilst pay the maintenance assessment?”
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Another coded message.
18 months passed bye. Too many 4 am starts and returns after 11pm. That was just the work. Then the booze kicked in giving that depression a real boost. I’d lost it now.
Selling anything I owned to get enough money to meet all the bills.
“Mr. CSA can you look at my case again. You do not seem to be allowing me enough to pay my bills”.
“Well, you have £53 a week to live on and we cannot allow your mileage or rail costs to London as its unreasonable to your ex”
“But, I am a specialist – I was made redundant from the only local employer who could use my skills – but I did get a job – I got on my bike”
“Oh! I did not realise you meant that I had to literally get on my bike and cycle the 130 miles to work every day”
Ok, now a dilemma. Pay the bills, the mortgage and my rail season ticket and do I stop paying the CSA?. Or do I stop paying the bills, pay the mortgage and my rail season ticket? Or do I …………………….. let me get another drink.
Ok the bills are mounting up now. But I won my contact case. I get 1 hour every two weeks in a contact centre. And its only 300 miles away.
“Oh! The boys are ill today” “Ok, in two weeks time then – and here is another £100 cash to help you”
Where is that drink!
Now that stack of bills is really building up into something resembling ‘centre point’. But I am seeing the boys at last!
“Oh! They do not want to see me – yes I know – but it’s only been 12 months since I have seen them – have they forgotten who I am?”
“Ok, here’s your £100 and this is for Christmas”
Can’t open the door now – need to move those letters. In a minute – just one more drink.
Ooops! Lost my driving licence somewhere between buying the boys their Xmas pressies and the last bottle I had.
Ok, my fault – that bottle is the problem. I can do this for a year.
Unable to see the boys – well they have been very ill. Funny only on the second Saturday of the month. Still Lord Chief Butler-Sloss will understand.
“Oh!”
“The law changed whilst you were trying to read all my files that I prepared for you and lodged at the Court of Appeal”
“Yes that’s very unlucky”
…………………………
“I missed a few of CSA payments – yes I know - I had nothing left to sell”
“What’s a detachment of earnings order?” “oh!”
…………………………..
“Sorry you’re credit card has not been authorised” – “but how do I get my season ticket”
“Mr CSA, can you look at this again” “Oh! The Secretary of State makes you do it”
That Secretary of States a clever guy – he knows what he’s doing.
“Sorry boss – I could not get in today – not well”
“ Are you interested in buying this – no – Ok – I understand”
“Boss I can’t get in today – I’m ill”
“Look Mr Bank, I know I’m overdrawn but if I do not get to work soon I will lose my job – thank you – you are a star”
“Hi Boss feeling better today – I’m here!”
“Ok, I understand. Things always change. Thanks anyway – and thanks for the reference offer – I’m sure I will get another one soon”
Another drink …….. that’s fine.
Hooray! A new job and its only 250 miles from home. Well at least I won’t have to keep looking at those bills.
Ok I’m off. B&B. New bank account – this it. I made a decision I’ll be OK now.
“Mr Building society here is the keys to my house – yes – it should make a profit. Why? – I can’t pay the mortgage any longer and Lodgings and the bills and the CSA”
…………………………………
“Yes, Mr Judge, I have been paying Maintenance every month. Yes, I missed a few because ………… Oh! You are not interested”
Yes, Mr Judge, money is left over after the sale and mortgage repaid. Oh! My ex gets it”
“Yes, Mr Judge I have been paying the maintenance – I already told you. I’m in contempt – what does that mean?” ……. Bang!
“Hello Mr Judge. Oh! You are! The CSA paid it into the wrong account. Yes I know there are arrears I told you ………. No I do not want to spend any time in that place …. Yes Sir”
Dear Mr ********, your new assessment is £987 per month ……….
“But Mr CSA, How do I live? How do I live?”
……………………………..
“Here have another drink – I don’t pay them much – I’m self employed and get my mate to russle up a set of accounts”
“Thanks for the drink – I need it – but I’m PAYE and will get another detachment order”
Right – decision made –‘over time’. At least I can pay the rent and buy that guy a beer for once.
“Oh! Mr CSA, you want more. Another assessment. Of course I been working 70 hours a week. How can I pay my bills otherwise?”
“ No I am not paying – I’m off to the papers with this + the MP and I going to write a strong letter to the Secretary of State – he’s a clever guy”
Another Detachment of Earnings order. What is the point?
……………………………
“Hi”
“Yes, I really like you too!”
“Shall we live together with your 3 children”
This is great . no money . but I’m happy.
“Ok, so he does not want to pay for them anymore – cos’ he’s self employed – yes I know – I’ve got a mate like that”
Life is good ………… no money but its, at last ……… fun!
“Oh! You’re closing the department – well thanks for letting me know – and yes I will probably get another job soon”
“Its not working out for you? The money is a real problem! We don’t get on so well – but I’ve got a job now”
“Oh! You got your settlement and have to find a place for the children to settle in – I understand – yes we can still be friends”
“Yes MR CSA, my circumstances have changed – ok – so out of my £54 a week you want £10 of it – oh!”
“Yes Mr CSA, my circumstances have changed – I got on my bike and started my own business – yes it was not too long – and Mr Bank was very helpful – no I will not be earning any money for a while – oh! – I have to pay – Ok – how much? ……………… How Much?”
“Hello Mr CSA, I can’t make this work but I’ve managed to get another job but I have to travel - can you allow the debts I have built up – no! – can you allow my travel costs – good! – oh! 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“But Mr CSA, I don’t fly! And any how there is a huge sea bay in the way and as far as I am aware that lovely Secretary of State is not building a bridge or subsidising a ferry – oh! You only pay 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“Mr CSA, as part of my job description I have to travel to see customers and use my car – I need to buy one – do you allow this – no! – oh!”
For few years I had kept my payments and managed to live – still seeing my ex-partner and her children. Then ……….
“Sorry but we have to let you go – the works dried up you see …….”
“Mr CSA, I have a change in my circumstances – ok – so out of my £54 a week you want £10 of it – oh!”
Unable to get a job locally and unable to survive financially I started to Taxi drive.
Finally, I got that interview. “I am sorry Mr B we are unable to offer the local job but if you are prepared to travel the 150 miles we can give you job in ****”
“yes please – when can I start”
“Hello Mr CSA, I can’t make this taxi work but I’ve managed to get another job but I have to travel - can you allow the debts I have built up – no! – can you allow my travel costs – good! – oh! 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“But Mr CSA, I can’t fly! And any how - you only pay 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“Oh Mr CSA, you want the essential car allowance I get”
“But how can I buy the car that is essential if you take that money – and you won’t allow the loan I need”
“Mr CSA, can you look into my case – what about departures – Ok – you will look into it”
“Mr CSA, you have sent another assessment that is even bigger – but you were looking into it – OK – you’ll look into it”
“Mr CSA, you have sent YET another assessment that is even bigger – but you were looking into it – OK – you’ll look into it – what about Departures?”
“Mr CSA, I have to find somewhere else to live, my landlord is selling up – if I am able to buy a home – cos its probably impossible as my credit rating is poor and I have to pay high interest rates for loans for cars – I guess a mortgage is the same”
“Mr Mortgage, I love you – for the first time in ten years no one will be able to tell me that my rent is due – that I will have to move again”
“Mr CSA, this is how much it costs - would this be allowable – can you tell me how it all works – can you work it out for me so that I can see if I can afford it – thanks”
“ Hi Mr Mortgage – yes, I think I may be able to do it if you can get me one of those 107% MORTGAGES that allows me to fund removal costs, pay that lovely Secretary of State his Land Registry & Purchase Duty/Tax (what a lot of money that is – he must be a rich man that Secretary of State) and pay that Mr Solicitor and I’ve got a bit left to reduce that debt – yes in that case I can afford to do it”
“Oh! Mr CSA, you do not allow 107% mortgages and you want more of that essential car users allowance – but! But! But! ……………”
“Another detachment of earnings order – but how do I pay my bills, how do I get to work, how do I pay my mortgage, how do I pay my ………… MR Secretary of State says he can take 40% of my income – but his mate that Mr Brown already takes a great deal of it in taxation – his other mate takes 21% for his pockets – and that lovely DWP service takes around 10% and I am trying to do what that MR Blair wants me to do and buy a pension – BUT! BUT! …………….. you count that I have more money than I have – you do not allow my travel costs of £500 per month – because my job is specialised and I cant get work locally – oh! Mr Secretary of State does not care about that – BUT! BUT! ……………. You will not allow a 100+% mortgage BUT! BUT! BUT! I never had enough money to save for a deposit ……… I thought it was the right thing to do and I checked with you first ……………. Oh! You only roughly calculate payments - you have actually have to have a change of circumstance before you can tell me how much I will have to pay – its not your fault – that lovely Mr Secretary of State says that’s how it is ………. ok! Its off to Departures for me”
“But! But! …….. Mr CSA ………. If you do this I cannot pay my mortgage, my bills, can’t get to work ……. That lovely Mr Brown won’t have his direct or indirect taxation ……. You will have to take that £10 from my £54 a week and I will need to be housed in that B&B – Mr Council Taxpayer will pay ……… my £44 left is not going to buy too many drinks!”
So now I can see how I got to this state.
Anon!
It’s the same old same old, really - isn’t it? I’ve been a single parent now for 9 years, so you’ll forgive me if I have become a little jaded!
When my ex hubby and I separated, call me stoopid (oh how I was) but I thought we’d be aiming for a 50/50 shared care of the kids type thing. After all, ti was just US who had split, wasn’t it? we would both be working to make sure the kids didn’t suffer - right? (Insert hysterical laughter here - all women who know what I know now.)
Well, daddy stayed away for quite some time. Didn’t call the kids. Didn’t come visit the kids - didn’t even come back to tell them he’d left. And I kept pushing for what to tell them, when to tell them, when he’d see them etc.
Eventually he said “I’ll see them every second weekend”. I cannot tell you how shocked I was. We were equals right? That was what I’d always been taught. So I said to him, “OK, tell you what, you see them 2 days out of 14. I’m prepared to see them…..oh, shall we say seven days out of 14? What will we do with them for the rest of the time? Shall I call Social Services”? His reply was basically that I’d never do that as I’d be abandoning my children. Well, of COURSE I wouldn’t have. My point was rather that I was pretty shcoked that HE was going to see them so seldom.
Can we name and shame? THAT’S what I’d like these days. That’s about ALL that I’d like. Because that pattern has pretty much continued these nine years. Right now, our younger child has said she doesn’t want to stay over at his. She really doesn’t like his fiancee and doesn’t want to be around her. Well, as a parent, you’d try and work that out - wouldn’t you? You’d still see your child while you tried to work through that, wouldn’t you?
No actually, what you do is stay away and not see her and do some button pushing for good measure just so she feels it’s HER fault. He’s been told (always has been) that he can see her any time he wants, as often as he wants. That he can call her, teaxt her, email here whenever he wants. Has he? Nope.
All these for justice groups make me laugh these days. There are just some people out there who are and always will be, complete to**ers and do not have the wisdom in their bones to do anything other than cause children pain. Groups will never change it. Ever.
Meg
PS can I add please, that this particular dad lives in perth and makes out he’s Mr Wonderful. I hope that somebody reads this and realises who he is, so they can know he’s NOT.
Why do parents think they have all the rights? It’s the children that are the victims of parental break-up and based on the 160,000 divorces we currently see in the UK each year it does not say much for the parents. I personally think that feelings towards one gender or another is the wrong focus and to campaign to say what a mother and father should or should not do is or that is fundamentally wrong. This distorted view that we have about Mum staying at home and Dad going to work is long gone. The reality is that most parents work now for economic reasons resulting in the children’s care is out sourced to a third party. I don’t mind which parent looks after the children but I think it should be one of the parents and this very important role be raised in profile in our society. Feel proud that you are working full time looking after your children rather than guilty that you should be doing more. Readdress this issue and I think you might find things change for the better.
I believe that a lot of men join fathers four justice in order to bully their ex wives and this is clearly not an aim of mums for justice. A friend of mine went through an awful case where she was badgered by the courts to allow access of her son to a man who cliamed to be but ultimately was proved not to be the boys father. The boy had made allegations of abuse against the man which the police and social workers believed were well founded but still the courts supported the mans motives! Despite not even being a father this man got F4J involved to intimidate my freiend and her witnesses in court. This is why we need mums for justice!
******* MOTHERS FOR JUSTICE*******
LONDON.
MOTHERS DAY PROTEST:
MARCH 18TH 2007
12 NOON
*** MEET AT VICTORIA COACH SATATION BEHIND BUCKINGHAM PALACE RD,LONDON FOR 12 NOON ***
MARCHING TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE THEN TO WESTMINSTER ABBEY ON TO WHITEHALL.
http://www.mothers-for-justice.net/
info@mothers-for-justice.net
Antonia,
as your a glowing example of children’s rights we hope we will see you there!?
Atlantis
http://www.mothers-for-justice.net/
SINCE WHEN DO PARENTS HAVE RIGHTS TO THEIR CHILDREN!?
PARENTS HAVE A DUTY AND A RESPONSIBILITY TO THEIR CHILDREN.
A SINGLE MOTHER OR FATHER MUST BE ABLE TO PROTECT THEIR CHILD FROM PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE THEIR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART EVEN IF THAT PERSON IS THEIR OTHER BIOLOGICAL PARENT.
PARENTHOOD IS NOT A TITLE, IT IS A ROLE.IF YOU MAKE NO COMITTMENT TO YOUR CHILD EITHER FINANCIAL, EMOTIONAL OR EVEN JUST BEING ARSED TO SPEND A LITTLE TIME THEN YOU HAVE NO “RIGHTS”.
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT SO MANY CUSTODY BATTLES ARE ABOUT THE PARENTS AND NOT THE CHILDREN. ABOUT OWNERSHIP AND RIGHTS,ABOUT TRYING TO HURT THE OTHER ADULT.
my daughter is trying to proctect her child from a voilent and unpredicatale father and no one is helping her. we are partitioning parliament and need as much help as we can get
please sign our petition
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/absent-dads/
im for both sides, i am female and a single mother, my little one is 7 and his fathers never bothered even though he has always had the phone number and the address, i tell him 26p a stamp and borrow a pen and paper from the local boozer he spende his time in and write the poor lil one a letter, ive never put my childs father down but now my child has made up there own mind about the father, I also lived with a so called member of fathers for justice whom was violent towards my child and his own two which were babies, we split after his childeren were taken as i feared the safety of my own, now he has a new family and a child on the way and social services have te cheak to let this monster be neer these poor childeren and bestow feer uponto another when it arrives?? the mother of these childeren has her own childeren on the child protection register so proves what sort of a mother she is!!
however it does run both ways as i am with a wonderful man/father whom has won single handedly custordy of his 2 childeren whom are 1 and 8 and they reside with us, the mother is a twisted resentful alcoholic who never buys her childeren not even a ten pence mixup from the shops, when they were with her she would get drunk and leave the 8 yr old holding a toiletseat full of puke as a friend of the mothers broke it, the little one had to care for the baby most of the time with help from the mothers non alcy mates whom felt sorry for the childeren, the storys my fionces child tells me are horiffic, there are inocent parents/family members out there who have been denyed access for the wrong reasons, beward even though fathers for justice know there are abusers amongst them they turn a blind eye, there all for one and one for all, its all about grouping and how many members they have, most arnt even bothered who they let into there groups
after reading many of the comments left it is apparent that the biggest issue is a system was devised with one set of rules every comment shows that each families case is individual and therefore requires individual consideration. I have fought the CSA since 1994 i still have not had a penny in maintenance, i lost my home and my ex has bought a new home 200 yards from the home i lost he has fathered 3 more children one of which he again does not support I have not had any further relationships but have took on the role of father and mother to my children my reasons for pursuing for maintenance was basically my ex refused to buy my girls a pair of shoes because he said he was paying the CSA he lied to them and that created doudt about my honesty to them - my biggest issue was how dare the CSA allow this man the ability to lie and then place doudts in his childrens minds about the parent left with all the responsibility the system needs to be reviewed to take into account individual facts so that issues are relevent to the individual families. By the way access is a separate issue seeing your children does not put food on the table cloths on their back or a roof on their head so why link the two if the estranged parent loves their children so much surely these are the first issues to take on board.
So providing for your child is sexist feminist rubbish is it? these men disgust me! blaming the csa when most are non cooperative with the csa-these children would starve before these men put their beer money to one side and gave it for the children we have the one of the highest rates for child poverty and deprivation in the developed world they cant hide behind csa as they could do volunteered payments-they aren’t fit to be dads why should they have contact with these men who neglected their basic needs for financial support while dressing up as a super hero for some stunt hardly heroic is it?
Its like Hitler dressing up as a nun!
It takes a man and a woman to make a child. It should be a man and a woman who brings that child up. It has been proved over and over again that marriage (i.e. between a man and a woman) is the best arrangement for bringing up children.
Why then does the Labour government say “It would not be helpful” to assume joint parenting rights? It is because of the biased activities of our SECRET family courts, which in 90% of cases award child custody to the mother, that fathers complain - and justly too.
Organisations like F4J would not be needed if fathers were given justice in our family courts.
“It takes a man and a woman to make a child. It should be a man and a woman who brings that child up.”
The woman’s part of that process takes 9 months, and the man’s about 3 minutes. The woman’s part therefore takes roughly 129600 times longer than the man’s.
If visiting rights were reckoned accordingly, that would be about 4 minutes a year.
This is what happens when one has bad experiences with certain groups of people. You end up hating them all!
In this case it’s single mothers who’s ex husbands/boyfriends acted like complete bxxstards. Now they hate all men and believe all fathers are useless.
I feel sorry for them but I ask them does what happened to them really mean that all men should be treated as useless by the law?
Something needs to be done and soon. I have been trying to get my ex to pay maintenance for the past 5 and a half years. When the CSA tracked him down after a year and a half I was threatened with physical violence if I did not withdraw my case. My ex is a stocky ex para who i did not want to cross and be on the receiving end of violence, so I withdrew my claim as he said he would pay £50 a week. This lasted for about 2 months and the payments stopped again. He went on holiday to Jamaica with his girlfriend. I have continued with my case and it has currently gone to enforcement and I am hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. My ex doesn’t see his kids - he lives a mile and a half away but he prefers to go to the pub every night and smoke cannabis. Very responsible and a great advert for the British Army! (not!)
The law in this country has to be changed - there are too many loopholes and if you know how to play the system you can get away with anything, it is too easy for men to work cash in hand. My ex must owe the Inland Revenue a fortune as he hasn’t been registred for tax for the past 5 years nor has he paid Council Tax.
Something’s got to change and fast.
What about those fathers who get granted staying access to only then not turn up countless times. Now were back in court again (for access) as he says it was me who stopped him coming, yet my son has always been ready to go for the weekend. So in my case ive always allowed access but he has choose not to turn up and then use a sob story to get his own way - again. I am trying to do what is right by letting him see our son and he doesnt do it. So is that my fault? Seems like it should be reading some of the rubbish above. Some of you obviously are commenting without having gone through it.
Iv an X partner of 5 yrs … his visits r erratic & money even worse. Iv done it all on my own. Now hes shack’d up with a plice woman whos being investigated for hiding evedience-she made my daughter sleep in her little boys room against my wishes put her to bed crying i stopped her going to her dad when his grl was there he choose his new girl-now after no money,nor visits in 3 months has decided that they both want to take her on hols-were do i stand???
The law is not correct for child access. It is soley wriiten for the pleasure of the mother. Its form was developed by the good lawyers of our land re-address the fact that it was all for the man. I am talking of the victorian period her to Georgian.
But that has all changed and the focus is the mum.
Now some mums are nice people and they love their children and can put their differrence with their ex behind them, so that their offspring can enjoy a balanced up bringing with both parents.
I sadly fall into the category of male who wants to see his child but is prevented by the mother. Not for any reason. Im told 2 nights every fortnight is good access. It breaks my daughters heart, and mine when its time to go. It is a cruel barbarick act.
You have also to appreciete that it was my wife that broke up the marriage with an affair. There was never any violence involved but fault was with her.
We agreed 50/50 access but then my wife took advice on how to get more money, and on the advice of her lawyer my access was stopped completly.
Eventually after paying £2000 through a lawyer i got 2 nights every fortnight.
My daughter already resents her mother. And I expect at age 12 she will use her right to leave her mother.
So please inform how this present system is good. I dont want my daughter to hate her mother, but she will.
The law needs to be re written in terms of the child. Both parents should be compelled to giving the child 50% access of their time.
I know there are many father who dont get involved, and this is not fair. But at the same token whilst the law trys to chase after these people they have acted against me.
Of interest when the CSa became involved in my case they reduced my payments that was making to the mother. I was paying too much.
There is two sides to coin see both sides. For the ladies the law is very much in your favour and a judge is yet to put a mum in jail for dennying a child access to her father.
SO think of your children and let them get plenty access to the other parent. Unless of course they are unstable. And well done to the parents that do this already. You are a very good parent.