The Oxford Mail has long shown a huge interest in beauty queens. Over the last couple of years, those of us who are regular readers have been treated to the ongoing saga of Eleanor Glynn - first Miss Oxford; then Miss England; then tragically loses her suitcase on the way to Miss World, and, without her dresses, loses; on her return gives advice to aspiring young women dot dot dot. The fact that I didn’t have to look up her name shows you with what monotonous regularity the pronouncements of Ms Glynn (accompanied, always, by a shiny shiny photo) have appeared in my local rag.

Anyway, now they are looking for the next Miss Oxford - and here are the rules of the game:

Qualifications for eligibility are that each contestant:
Shall not be less than 17 years of age nor more than 24 years of age on September 30 of the year of the Miss England final.
Shall live or work in the Oxford Mail circulation area.
Shall be of good character and possessed of charm poise personality and have beauty of face and figure.
Shall be a person whose background is not likely to bring into disrepute The Miss England Contest or the Oxford Mail or any person associated with them.
Shall be a person:
- Who usually uses the prefix ‘Miss’ (or equivalent) before her name and is not married.
- Who has never given birth to a child.
- Who has never previously won The Miss England Contest.

I am speechless. “Charm poise personality”? “Of good character”? “Disrepute”? Unfortunately, I doubt they’ll have a shortage of candidates: after all, three years ago 63% of the thousand young women surveyed said their ideal occupation was to be a glamour model. Sigh.